7450. RETIREMENT, Newspaper attacks and.—
I have for some time past been
under an agitation of mind which I scarcely
ever experienced before, produced by a check
on my purpose of returning home at the close
of this session of Congress. My operations
at Monticello had been all made to bear upon
that point of time, my mind was fixed on it with
a fondness which was extreme, the purpose
firmly declared to the President, when I became
assailed from all quarters with a variety of objections.
Among these it was urged that my
return just when I had been attacked in the
public papers, would injure me in the eyes of
the public, who would suppose I either withdrew
from investigation, or because I had not tone
of mind sufficient to meet slander. The only
reward I ever wished on my retirement was to
carry with me nothing like a disapprobation of
the public. These representations have, for
some weeks past, shaken a determination
which I had thought the whole world could
not have shaken. I have not yet finally made
up my mind on the subject, nor changed my
declaration to the President. But having perfect
reliance in the disinterested friendship of
some of those who have counselled and urged
it strongly; believing that they can see and
judge better a question between the public and
myself than I can, I feel a possibility that I
may be detained here [Philadelphia] into the
summer.—
To Martha Jefferson Randolph. Washington ed. iii, 506.
Ford ed., vi, 163.
(Pa.,
Jan. 1793)
